Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Text me some of your sweat
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
