Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
