shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
