In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am available for nakedness
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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