I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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