so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
