I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
