god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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