Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
