yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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