i just wanna soil my oats bro
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
