Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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