Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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