apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
