When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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