I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
