dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
