she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
