Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
