i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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