I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize