My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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