If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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