just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
