you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He better not be in your backpack
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
