Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
