What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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