Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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