An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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