I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You have to summon your inner elephant
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
