she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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