Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
