Just mADE A PArabola og urine
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
