then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Please, let me fuck your mom
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
