Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
