Im at strip club and am horny
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Michael Bay diarrhea
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I need moral support for this bender
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
