You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
