Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I could fuck to npr.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
