It's just like the Real World with babies
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
