i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The ass gains better be worth it
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