this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
