Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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