god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
