I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
