i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
