i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
