Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
