Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
