my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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