If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize