I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
