just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
