i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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